Written by: PP on 11/08/2010 18:22:09

"Hello everyone, boys and girls, cats and squirrels, I came here to bring you something you've never heard before. Actually you've heard it everywhere on Myspace, everyone is trying to cash in on this thing called a breakdown"...*gang shouts* "BURN THIS FUCKER...DOWN!" chugchugchugchug, lulz. How's that for a summary for eatmewhileimhot!'s beyond ridiculous debut "xALBUMx", featuring the dude from Never Shout Never? It's all a giant parody on the sorry state of affairs in the modern metalcore/"core-core" genres, of bands like Asking Alexandria, Attack Attack!, Of Mice & Men and so forth. And a damn funny one, as long as you don't count yourself as a huge fan of any of the mentioned bands or their contemporaries.

With titles like "xPIZZAx", "xBICYCLEx", "xDESTROYx", "xMUSTACHEx", eatmewhileimhot! spends their 15 minute album in ridiculous breakdowns, lyrics about playing Nintendo 64, and the sorts. No doubt it is musically atrocious; every cliché and stereotype is intentionally used, be it pig squeals, Bring Me The Horizon-type deep growling gone bad, or humongous one-chord breakdowns with one-word repeat-lyrics, it's all there. Consider this sample excerpt from "xGRIZZLYx": "when attacked by a bear, simply lie still on the ground, and cover your face and head with your hands. When the bear is finished batting you around and mauling you, contact the US forest service". It is followed by a huge breakdown and "GRIZZLY....GRIZZLY....GRIZZLY" repeat-screams on top. It's fucking retarded, but I find it hilarious much in the same way as International Superheroes of Hardcore's "Seat Belt" and "Superhero Sellouts" were funny: it takes a cliché ridden subgenre and points out everything that's wrong with it. The difference being that ISHC did it with taste and class, whereas eatmewhileimhot! specialize in bad taste and pure stupidity. But both bands make a very valid point about two very different scenes suffering from the same problems. They belong to the tiny minority of bands brave enough to single out stupidity; they simply attack pretty much every modern 'core' band with merciless parody and sarcasm.

So yes, "xALBUMx" is absolutely fucking retarded, idiotic, etc. But it is like that on purpose. It has to be. For someone deeply invested into the genre, this is going to only come across as stupid, and they'll secretly hate the band for pointing out all the flaws in the genre today. For a non die hard fan of the genre, it'll also come across as stupid, but ALSO funny, because so many bands sound at least partly like eatmewhileimhot!. Successful joke is successful, but given the beyond atrocious musical offering here, and for the sake of our rating scale integrity, I can't afford to award it more than just one grade above Attack Attack!, who I presume are the main target here. Even though I secretly wish I could rate this much higher ;)


Download: xGRIZZLYx, xDESTROYx
For the fans of: HORSE The Band, Asking Alexandria, Attack Attack!, Of Mice & Men
Listen: Myspace

Release date 27.07.2010
Loveway Records

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