Red Warszawa

De 4 Årstider I Nordvest

Written by: TL on 04/05/2010 20:17:49

At present moment, I am enjoying a cold beer on one of very few nights I have free from any sort of appointment or obligation. And yet, I can think of a million billion things I'd rather do. Why? Because the reason I am drinking this alchoholic beverage, is in a feeble attempt to lower my intelligence to a level where I can appreciate the most recent batch of idiocy from Danish joke-metallers Red Warszawa, their sixth studio album "De 4 Årstider I Nordvest" ("The Four Seasons In Northwest", Northwest being an area in the suburbs to the Danish capital).

One beer is far from enough though. More likely I should've had a crate before even putting the record on. And I should've known this, because, unbeknownst to foreigners, Red Warszawa have been doing exactly the same thing for their entire excuse for a career. They play the simplest possible excuse for thrash metal while their lead 'singer' shouts profane lyrics in an attempt at humour that makes fifth graders seem sophisticated. To call this group a band is an insult to all bands, pure and simply, because Red Warszawa can be safely said to have no musical ambitions whatsoever, rather they are mere stupidity accompanied by a beat and guitar.

That's not the worst thing though, no, the worst thing is that Red Warszawa aren't even funny. Shit, their humor is so retarded and contrived that it makes Bloodhound Gang and Steel Panther seem like high comedy. On every single track of my only ever listen to this disc, I have felt that I would be more intellectually stimulated and/or entertained if I had listened to the latest Lady Gaga single seventeen times over. Hell, that thought actually feels really appealing by now. Can you imagine that?!!?!? I could go into details, but really what's the point in making this much of a review, when Red Warszawa aren't much of a band? I'm merely wasting my time and yours, because even the few redeeming moments of references to other Danish cultural phenomena, are drowned out by torrents of utter idiocy. Red Warszawa seem the kind of band to take pride in bad reviews, and I will happily deliver. You must be either very, very simple minded or very, very drunk to want to listen to this, and you must be a complete fuckin' waste of air if you think of it as actual music.

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Download: The movie "I Kina Spiser De Hunde" ("In China They Eat Dogs"), in which the main characters murder all of Red Warszawa in this clip. Trust me, that's all you ever want to know of this band.
For The Fans Of: Steel Panther and Bloodhound Gang, singing in Danish, trying to play thrashy metal but being too drunk..
Listen: myspace.com/redvarsjava

Release Date 29.03.2010
Gusten Fætter Records

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