Cobra Starship

Hot Mess

Written by: TL on 14/09/2009 19:58:41

Now, following certain online publications from across the big pond, I've often heard of this band Cobra Starship, reading much about how they were a band that any credible musical connoisseur like myself should loathe with all his might. Being just as much of a sucker for controversy as everyone else however, I decided that I'd give their new album "Hot Mess" a chance lest it be mercilessly decapitated by PP, just as its predecessor did back in the day.

Now before we dissect this carcass (oops, did I give the rest of the review away?), let me just give you an overview of why everyone over the age of fourteen seems to hate Cobra Starship: Main man Gabe Saporta once sang in cult emo/punk band Midtown, but when that band broke up he formed Cobra Starship, an outfit that, as a brief scroll down their myspace will confirm, is the extremest incarnation of everything that makes the neon movement so fuckin' terrible. He then proceeded to get himself into massive drama with a (now ex) band member (female), make friends with Pete Wentz and help Millionaires get music released. And those are merely the accomplishments that I can remember off the top of my head. So let's give his band a chance now shall we?

Surprisingly, "Hot Mess" does in fact not start off all that terrible. At least if you could stomach the fusion of rock and classy pop that Fall Out Boy championed on their latest record - I know many can't - but those who can should be good and down with "Nice Guys Finish Last". Personally, it had me hoping that this would be one of those record I could cheekily love while everyone else hated it. However, "Pete Wentz Is The Only Reason We're Famous" doesn't quite keep up the goodness. It's still decent, but anyone who's heard Mindless Self Indulgence are bound to feel that this is like an amputated version of them, and as Saporta manages to display not only the limitations to his vocal talent here, but also the incredibly un-charming guttermouth lyricism he's about to infect the rest of the record with, my enthusiasm is notably decreased again.

And as it turns out, that's only the start of how wrong things can go, because as soon as "Good Girls Go Bad" flows through my speakers, my gag-reflex starts getting a lot of involuntary exercise. Everything about this track is just kryptonite to a rock fan, from the auto-tuned vocals, over the crappy production, to the bridge that recalls Gwen Stefanis obnoxious "Hollaback Girl". And before the Cobra Starship fans start crying, then no, I am not dissing this band because I dislike pop and electronic music - in fact I highly recommend bands like The Higher and PlayRadioPlay! as alternatives in either category. From the sound of this song though, as well as the following "Fold Your Hands", which has a beat that can't but bring back bad memories of shitty songs played in your youth club's disco, I'd say that Cobra Starship are the twisted, abominable nemesis to these two other bands, coming from some perverted world to spread some viral excuse for music into ours.

From here on out, the product swings between anonymous and annoying. There are of course moments where things almost sound bearable again, however, they are ruined by Saporta sounding like a limitlessly obnoxious tool both lyrically and vocally. Despite normally attempting to act like the coolest kid in glass, he obviously takes note of what the online community thinks of him, and as he continually tries to defend his controversial standpoints, like in "You're Not In On The Joke" or "Move Like You Gonna' Die", one has to ask one self: Could there be anything less impressive than a man who's self-righteously trying to explain to you why he should be popular but isn't? I for one, can't think of anything, and even when Cobra Starship do implement some cool little feature in a song of theirs, it is to no avail, simply because they emit a suffocating feeling, saying that you would have to be a massive God damn douche to appreciate them.


Download: Nice Guys Finish Last
For The Fans Of: Kanye West, 3oh!3 and other crunk and neon shit

Release Date 14.07.2009
Decaydance / Fueled By Ramen

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