Steel Panther

Feel The Steel

Written by: TL on 22/07/2009 14:01:58

No! No, No, No, No, please dear God make it stop! Normally when I review an album for you people, I'd listen to it between five and ten times at the least, but in this case I'm on my second trip through Steel Panther's "Feel The Steel" and there's simply no way I can stand much more of this torture. It's like this music is draining intelligence from my brain faster than a full week of excessive drinking!

In case you're confused as to what I'm whining about, let me tell you about Steel Panther. Formerly known as Metal Skool (amongst other names), they are a novelty act from California who have been making a living paying tribute to/parodying the great hair metal bands of the eighties in regular live shows over there. In terms of appearance this means looking and acting like the biggest douches of the universe and taking on 'funny' stage names: Michael Starr on vox, Satchel on guitar, Lexxi Foxxx on bass and Stix Zadinia on drums.. Sigh.. And musically things are even worse off. Shameless copy/pasting from Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Whitesnake, Mötley Crüe, Alice Cooper and whoever else were all the rage back on the Sunset Strip, and originality never enters the picture here. It's about doing the same thing as those bands did, only worse, and about writing up joke lyrics which are all about tits, cocks, sex, drugs and other things that are funny if you're still secretly virgin. How does one review this? Well, one thing does come to mind:

And while I'd like to leave the review at that, I'd like to get the following in before people start moaning in the comments saying that I "don't get the joke". I do get the joke. I do get that this is all meant to be ironic and that one shouldn't take it seriously, rather enjoy it for the spoof that it is. The problem is that it's just not very funny at all. "50 Cent's a fag, so is Kanye West, shooting hot sperm on each other's chest!" - Do you really think that is funny? Are you in fifth grade or something?

This is lower than The Blood Hound Gang and Weird Al Yankovic put together, and the fact remains, that besides the poor joke, there's no artistic value to this album whatsoever. Everything is completely unoriginal, predictable and hollow. It's a symptom of the commercialization that's being forced upon the music scene, making content secondary to controversy, because the latter gives more publicity and higher sales - and where even if you can sing well and handle your instrument, producing something meaningful is besides the point (see also: Lady Gaga). It's sickening to think of the many kids out there trying to learn to sing and play guitar so that they can affect others' lives, who will never get the time of day because the mainstream is busy listening to these 'ironic', empty and nauseatingly post-modern, joke acts. Even when it comes to paying tribute to the music of the eighties, Tenacious D already did it better. This is pure corporate evil, so bring out your crosses and stakes. Meanwhile I'll grade this, awarding Steel Panther one half of a grade for the joke. Ha. Ha. That was funny, now what retards?

Download: Something real - for instance anything suggested in 99,9% of our other reviews
For The Fans Of: utter sonic idiocy

Release Date 08.06.2009

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